Meals on the Run
by raisintorte
Summary: The Pegasus Galaxy doesn't save all the freaky stuff for the flagship team. [LorneCadman, General S2 Spoilers, nothing plot specific]


**Pairing:** Lorne/Cadman  
**Spoilers:** Set during season 2, but no plot or episode specific spoilers.  
**A/N:** Written as backup for the **sgarareathon**. The request was for **shoemaster** who wanted _some Lorne/Cadman stuff, secret relationship or just friendship, perhaps an off world mission? The Pegasus Galaxy doesn't just save all the really freaky stuff for the flagship team.  
_

Thanks to **smittywing**, **daisycm83**, and **kate98** for betaing!

* * *

"So . . . uh, first time being tied up and shackled to a wall?" Lorne glanced over at Cadman to see how she was holding up.

"Professionally? Yes. Personally? No." Cadman turned her head to face Lorne and winked at him.

That was not the response Lorne had been expecting. "Ah."

Cadman smirked at him. "You?"

"Your answer, just . . . reverse it."

Lorne didn't know exactly what to say next. He had planned on trying to reassure her about the whole being tied up thing, but seeing as she had personal experience with situations like this . . . then again, she never had been captured professionally so it was a slightly different scenario.

He really wasn't good in situations like this. He never knew exactly what to say, and when he finally thought of something, it usually came out the wrong way. Well, they were laughing and joking, so maybe he should continue along that same vein.

"Interesting, I never really saw the doc as a kinky kind of guy." Well, that had sounded much better in his head. And not quite so much like the basis of a conduct unbecoming charge as it did on its way out of his mouth.

"I wouldn't know." Given the look that crossed Cadman's face, Lorne could tell he had hit a sore spot. Oh yeah, court martial, here he comes. She could probably throw in a sexual harassment charge to top it all off. Good going, Lorne.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry."

"It's okay, not a big deal. Carson is a really good guy, probably one of the best I've ever known; he's just not the guy for me. And, wow, has this conversation now hit new levels of inappropriateness. So, how do you plan on getting us out of here?" Cadman tilted her head to the left smiled at him.

"I don't know yet, but hopefully I'll think of something or we'll be rescued before they eat us."

"Good to know I wasn't the only one who got the impression that we were going to be the main course for dinner."

"Nope. I think the point was hammered home when they squirted my head with the local equivalent of soy sauce." Lorne shook his head a bit, hoping some of the sauce might fly off.

"_That's_ what that smell is!" Cadman grinned at him.

"Yup, but since they didn't squirt you, maybe you're a different course? Or they won't eat you at all. Which would be a good thing. I don't think I want the last entry into my file to be 'was eaten alive by cannibals with Lieutenant Cadman.' I would much prefer you to stay alive."

"Well, I think I would much prefer _both_ of us to stay alive!"

"Obviously I want that as well, but if one of us has to get eaten, it should be me."

"Are we seriously having this conversation? Did you really just say you would make the noble sacrifice and be eaten for me? As sweet as that is, we need to find a way out of here!" The look on Cadman's face said that if her hands were free she would hit him.

"Fine! Don't you have a hair pin or something that we can use to pick the lock?"

Cadman rolled her eyes. "Pick a lock with a hairpin? Do I look like Nancy Drew to you?"

"What, women don't use hair pins anymore? My mom used to pin her hair up every day!" Lorne gave Cadman an indignant look.

"I'm sorry? Did you just compare me to YOUR MOTHER?" Now Cadman _really_ looked like she wanted to hit him.

"Ummmm . . . maybe? Wait. Are you saying there is something wrong with my mother?" His mother might be a bit frumpy, but there was certainly nothing wrong with her!

"NO! But women who are interested in men tend to get upset when said men compare them to their mothers! Also, in case you haven't noticed my hands are chained above my head and I can't reach my hair!" Lorne did a double take at that -- she was _interested_ in him?

"Okay! Enough talking, solution time! Maybe if I leaned towards you, and you leaned towards me, I could get one of the pins out with my teeth."

The way they were strung up, it actually wasn't so hard for Lorne to lean over and maneuver his head behind hers to try and get the pins out with his teeth. He was only about a foot to her left and the shackles had a bit of give in them.

They both started leaning towards the middle, and Lorne was just about to make his second attempt at the pin grab when two guards burst through the door.

"Cease that at once! The main dish is not permitted to sample the appetizer!"

The guards walked over to Laura (Lorne figured he could call her Laura now, because once you've had your teeth in someone's hair, it was time to call them by their first name) and started . . . well . . . basting her. "Stop that!"

"Major? Major! I think this is BUTTER! They are basting me with butter!" Laura looked thoroughly distressed.

For the first time in his career, Lorne felt totally helpless. He was about to shout again or do something (what, exactly, he didn't know) when the men walked over and shoved an apple into his mouth.

A lot of crazy things had happened to Lorne in his years with the SGC, but nothing quite like this. Here he was chained to a wall wearing nothing but his boxer shorts, and two very large men were painting his body in some sort of soy sauce mixture. Not to mention the very hot lieutenant wearing nothing but her skivvies was going through the same experience right next to him. It really was time for Sheppard's team to pull the perfect and timely rescue.

When the men had finished basting Lorne and Laura, they left the room and locked the door behind them.

"Can you spit the apple out of your mouth?"

"Mmmphh." Lorne glared at Laura as he mumbled.

"I'll take that as a no. Hmm . . . okay, how about I try and bite it out of your mouth? Maybe I can bite off some bits and then it will fall off?"

"Mmmphh."

"I'll take that as a yes." Laura leaned into the middle and Lorne met her halfway. She started biting at pieces of the apple and spitting them out onto the ground. The entire apple came out with the fourth bite.

Lorne was about to move back to his spot and say thanks, when Laura leaned back in and started nipping at his lips. This was new. He wasn't exactly sure what to do, but then she started licking his lips, so he kissed her. It was wholly inappropriate but wow, was it amazing. He just wanted to wrap his arms around her and pull her in close, but unfortunately, his current position made that impossible.

They kissed for a while longer and then Laura pulled away. She looked him up and down and grinned. "You do realize if we get rescued in our current condition, we are _never_ going to hear the end of it?"

"Yup." Lorne grinned.

"So, we need to find a way out here! And preferably the rest of our clothing as well."

"I would say we could try the whole hair pin thing again, but that wasn't going so well the first time around -- what are you doing? " Lorne watched as Laura started twisting her wrists around in the manacles. "Stop that! You're going to hurt yourself!"

Laura kept twisting and pulling at her wrists. "They buttered my wrists. I think if I pull hard enough I can slip them out. Don't worry, it doesn't hurt."

"Right, because people always wince when they aren't hurting. Just be careful, okay?" Lorne gave Laura a concerned look.

"I am! Just a little more -- got it! Now I'll just get one of those hair pins out myself and we should be free in just a few minutes. Umm . . . Major?"

"Yes, Lieutenant?"

"Do you know how to pick a lock with a hair pin?" Laura raised her eyebrows and gave him a wide smile.

"No! You wear them, you're supposed to know!"

She rolled her eyes at him. "Right, because as a woman I automatically know how to use all hair accessories as weapons and burglary tools."

"Okay, okay, no need to get sarcastic. Just jiggle it around a bit?"

Laura was poking at the locks with her hair pins and moving around a lot. "I'm trying!"

"What's happening?" Lorne really wished he could help out more. He hated being helpless.

"Umm . . .Well, the tumbler is moving into the jigger mechanism and I can feel the pin is about to give." Laura sounded like she knew what she was talking about.

"Really?" Lorne was surprised.

Laura snorted. "NO! Not really! Okay, I think I've GOT IT!" Laura got her other hand free, then her ankles, and turned to Lorne to start picking his locks.

She started with the ones on his hands. Her hands kept slipping down his arms from the combination of butter and sauce, but after a few minutes she undid the shackles.

Laura got down on her knees in front of Lorne and started trying to pick the locks around his ankles. Lorne could tell she was having trouble with the slipperiness of their skin, so he wasn't overly surprised when she lost her balance. However, he was surprised when she grabbed onto his legs for support. He lost his balance and tumbled to floor, landing on top of her.

Of course, it was at that precise moment that Colonel Sheppard, Teyla, Ronon, and Dr. McKay burst into the room.

"Well, I'm so glad I spent the last three hours running around this planet searching for these two!"

Laura looked like she had finally had enough. "Shut it, Rodney! I was just picking the locks on Major Lorne's ankles when I slipped." While she was talking, Laura finished picking the locks and flopped on the floor next to Lorne.

Ronon walked over to Lorne and pulled him up so hard Lorne practically crashed into Ronon's chest. He was just about to back up when he felt something wet on his shoulder.

"Ronon, did you just LICK Major Lorne?" Colonel Sheppard stared at Ronon with a look of disbelief on his face.

"Maybe? It tastes good." Ronon shrugged his shoulders.

"God, is there anything you _won't_ eat?" Rodney snipped as he walked over to help Laura up.

Ronon leaned over Lorne and looked like he was about to lick him again. "Stop that! I am _not_ dinner! Where we come from people don't just lick each other!"

Sheppard nodded his head as Lorne was talking. Lorne was about to say something else when Cadman interupted.

"Don't worry about it Ronon, you can lick me if you like, _I_ won't complain!" Cadman sauntered over to Dex and winked.

"No, he _cannot_ lick you!" Well, that hadn't come out as Lorne had intended, but to be fair, Dex looked like he was about to take Cadman up on the offer and no one else was reacting.

Sheppard turned to Lorne and gave him a questioning look. "Anything you want to tell me, Major?"

"No! It's just not appropriate for Specialist Dex to be licking Lt. Cadman! I'm surprised you think it is, sir!"

"I can't believe I'm the one who has to say this, but can we get on with the rescue already? In case you all have forgotten there are _cannibals_ out there that probably wouldn't mind adding a little McKay Cordon Bleu to the menu. OR, if I'm really lucky, McKay ala Orange and I'll just die of anaphylactic shock first! Let's go already. You kids can work out your love lives later -- when there isn't a danger of ME being eaten!"

"McKay's right, let's get this show on the road. We have some extra clothing you guys can put on back in the jumper. Everybody move out." John handed Lorne his sidearm and Teyla passed hers to Cadman.

They made it out of the Dungeon of Food Preparation without sounding the alarm. All of the natives appeared to be resting before the big feast.

"STOP!" Guess they tripped something, because Burly Guard One and Two started running towards them shouting.

"I think that's our cue to run! Ronon, pick up Lt. Cadman, she doesn't have shoes. Major, are you okay?"

"Yes, sir!"

"Sheppard to Stackhouse, is the jumper secure? We're about five minutes out, with natives on our tail."

"Yes, sir! We'll be watching out for you."

"Let's go!"

As soon as they got the jumper closed up and in the air, McKay started passing out blankets. Given the amount of goop on both of them, it was probably a good idea for them _not_ to get dressed. Lorne expected Cadman to go sit on the bench next to McKay, but she came over and sat down right next to him, leaning into his shoulder.

Lorne took the blanket McKay had given him and wrapped it around both of their shoulders. He wasn't really surprised when she snuggled right in.

Lorne was about to say something meaningful when Laura leaned over and licked the side of his face. She smirked at him and said, "It does taste like soy sauce! We should try and trade for this, I can think of some good uses." Lorne could best describe the expression on her face as predatory. It was really hot.

"Oh my God, get a room!" McKay threw another blanket across the jumper and it landed on their heads.

Lorne was just fine with that, as he pulled the blanket down and wrapped it around his own shoulders. That is exactly what he would do when they got back to Atlantis and away from prying eyes.


End file.
